Goats

Are so cute.  Goats also smell strongly of goat, and make anything that touches them smell, surprise, like goat.  *Several* applications of hot, soapy water and vigorous agitation of the skin is highly recommended unless you especially enjoy the smell of chevre.

But be sure to pet the goats, because they're just so sweeeeeeet!

Wow

WHAT an amazing weekend.  In spite of stupid boy on Friday night, I had the best 4th of July ever. 

Mostly... it was the sex.  Lots and lots and lots of raw, dirty sexy with other fun participants.  Carlos and I really do enjoy the occasional bite of extra-marital flesh.  Mmm.  :)

Anyway, I'm off to the farm today.  I am so badly burned from Saturday I'm going to have to take extra care today though, to be sure I don't injure myself.

Whee!

Well, in spite of some disorganization and what not, the Zombie Walk was more fun than I've had in a very long time.  It was also SO good to get out of the house and ever so quickly get over the mean boy.  I love quick turnarounds. 

Ooh, and Minimus Maximus was there; some guys I knew from skoo were there cookin.  I hadn't eaten from the steel pig yet, and the minimus with cheese and hurt was *awesome.*  My god.  My GOD.  Watering mouth; want more NAO.

I drank beer, too, which is very rare for me.  3 beers down and I was pretty numb-lipped for the better part of the day.  Negro Modelo is now my beer of choice from the store bought brands.  Leave it to my favorite brand of human being, the Mexicans, to make the best beer.

And I got the first sunburn I've had in ten years.  I forgot they hurt!

And in honor of the fact that I am not totally devastated by anything that happens in my life, especially not some god damn BOY, I about to go cut up some jeans. 

The Zombie Walk prevails.

8-0

The Mad Ferret sings all your favorite classics

Today's selection is from a formerly popular total fucking genius artist named Ben Folds.

Song for the Dumped
-Ben Folds Five, Ben Folds

So you wanted to take a break
Slow it down some and have some space

Well fuck you too!

Give me my money back
Give me my money back, you bitch
I want my money back

Wish I hadn't bought you dinner
Right before you dumped me on your front porch

Give me my money back
Give me my money back, you bitch
I want my money back
... and don't forget my black T-shirt

That hurt.  (But what would life be without risk?)

It is just becoming more and more clear as I get older that I'm going to be alone whether I like it or not.  People just don't like me /enough/ to make being close to me worth the effort.

And that's final. (Alright, maybe not totally final.  But there are some pretty unfortunate ways in which I'm going to be very limited in my ability to get close to people thanks to the acrid nature of my personality.  But I'm just not able to turn off the parts of me that are so offensive to other people.  And as I've said before, trying has gotten me straight up shite.  And if I COULD turn them off, at this point, I think I would, as I say below.  Sucky, but true.)

I'm also becoming aware of just how much I crave physical contact with someone other than C.  No one ever touches me, and I certainly avoid touching other people as much as possible.  People run away from me, rather than sit next to me.

I feel like a monster.  (rawr, mummyfuckers)

I'm crying over a boy again.  I think that's stupid.  (totally stupid)

If I could cut out, shut down, or turn off the parts of me that I feel are the most valuable and worthy parts of me as a human being, I would.  I just *hate* being me.  I hate my experiences.  I hate the way people treat me - even when they want to do something different - because I am so de trop.  With an apologetic smile across their lips, they cut my heart out and tell me "have a nice life."  (or "best of luck."  Best of luck?  What the fuck is this, Vegas?)

I *am* this unlovable.  I *am* this unwantable.  I *am* this ugly and worthless.  (But only on the outside.)

I'm going to go cry some more now.  (Thank god that's over with.)

(The Mad Ferret sings along: "But you just smile like a bank teller blankly telling me 'have a nice life...'")

The Mad Ferret sings all your favorite classics

"I want the touch of your charms... the heat of your breath... I want to say all those things that would be better left unsaid... BUT YOU'RE TOO PHYSICAL..."


Sometimes, only H-loving Trent can say it just right.


EDIT:  I wish I had not been so fucking stupid.