God DAMN it.  I hate getting up at 5.30 in the morning.  I *really* want this to come to an end. When I am done with school, I intend to work for myself, and my hours will NOT start before 10am.  Even that's a little early.  

Plus, I hate that I have so much physical pain all the time.  Like, all the time.  Today, I have upset stomach, kidney pain, back pain and leg pain.  Fucking EVERYTHING HURTS!  I could live without that just fine. 

Someone suggested to me yesterday that it might have something to do with the negative psychic energy I have bound up inside.  Yeah, probably very true.  But these sorts of insights always lead to the same conundrum.  How do you let go of a maladaptive way of being without having replaced that behavior with something else that meets the need that the maladaptive behavior has previously met?  We hold onto these sorts of things because they do something important for us.  Not because we're lazy or because we think there's no better way to be.  But some of us are just "that" fucked up.

Anyway.  I feel spent.  Just so tired - and I just got out of bed.  Blah.