Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Indeed

http://www.skyscript.co.uk/scorpio.html

Particularly insightful quotes:  

"No sign ever falls on the negative end of a moral trait; it is only bound to representing an archetypal theme and bringing both extremes of that theme into focus. With Scorpio the inference of deceit picks out the theme of falsity and truth; and as we might expect, those with the acuity to be masters of deceit are also the best equipped to recognise it when they see it.  In their gift of realising deception, rejecting hollowness and seeing through shallow facades, Scorpios are not afraid to expose realty for what it is; they are the emissaries of a more complete sense of truth than many of us are prepared to contemplate, the penetrating aspects of it often being too painfully sharp for comfort. The paradox of Scorpio is that when it is fooling you, it is not really acknowledging you at all. Real communication with this sign means engaging with honesty, no matter how candid, sordid or direct. Cheat you it may - that means nothing; when something really does matter Scorpio won't be fooled and it won't mess around with either pleasantries or mind games.

"Traditionally governed by Mars, Scorpios are genuinely capable of seeming destructive and intimidating, (towards noble ends as well as self-centred interests), because where Mars dominates there is little interest in compromise; the impulse is for active attack or strategic defence, whatever it takes to avoid yielding one inch more than necessary. But the direct, active principle of Mars is sublimated in its nocturnal expression, and like all water signs Scorpios seldom instigate attacks, preferring to hold their power in reserve. This undercurrent of unexpressed energy is the basis of an almost tangible magnetism, a sense of power embedded in the aura that reveals itself expressly when their acute defensive instinct is stirred. It's worth remembering that, as much as it may seem a contradiction, Scorpios strongest line of attack is always in defence, where their fixidity brings enduring patience and determination, and their natural resilience makes them seem practically impassable."

"When Scorpios do engage in conflict their method of operation is perfectly reflected by the terrestrial creature that defines their celestial motif - all scorpions are venomous and all are predators, but they never actively hunt or chase down their prey; instead they patiently sit and wait, months if necessary, proceeding to ambush only when their quarry is close enough to stand little chance of escape. In business and battle Scorpios make inestimable adversaries..."

"Both [Scorpio and Virgo] are feminine signs, so neither is comfortable with an easy, expressive discharge of internal energy; and since Scorpio is of the phlegmatic temperament it is even more driven towards internalisation.  In order to penetrate it must first draw towards it: Scorpio doesn't walk into your territory, it doesn't flirt and cajole, it merely let's its own energy attract, and when penetrating your secrets it does so having lured you to a place where resistance is low."


"Any attempt to skirt around issues, whatever form they take, smacks of insincerity and avoidance, and Scorpios have seen too much, and worked too hard to deal honestly with the darker sides of reality, to engage in a world of pretence. Even in their sarcastic sense of humour Scorpios have a way of reminding us that we may laugh at life, but we should never be too flippant about it."



Thursday, May 27, 2010

And we'll go dreami-i-i-i-i-i-ing...

So I had this great dream last night.  It felt so good.  I only remember one moment, but I had fostered a child, a little boy and he was maybe 2, but probably as big as a 3 year old.  He was lying in a crib.  I climbed in, and held his warm body against my bare chest and squeezed tight enough that if I had done so in waking life, I'd probably have killed him.  I laid on my back and he laid his belly flat on mine, and I just hugged and loved him tighter and tighter.  It almost felt like I was taking him right into my heart.  

That felt really, really good.  I woke up and felt incredibly warm and loved and good. Amazing what a little bit of acknowledgment can do for a person.

My sincere thanks to Al S. for his assistance and inspiration of this dream.  It is to touch the face of God itself to receive an acknowledgment from the Anima Mundi.  It's been a while. 
God DAMN it.  I hate getting up at 5.30 in the morning.  I *really* want this to come to an end. When I am done with school, I intend to work for myself, and my hours will NOT start before 10am.  Even that's a little early.  

Plus, I hate that I have so much physical pain all the time.  Like, all the time.  Today, I have upset stomach, kidney pain, back pain and leg pain.  Fucking EVERYTHING HURTS!  I could live without that just fine. 

Someone suggested to me yesterday that it might have something to do with the negative psychic energy I have bound up inside.  Yeah, probably very true.  But these sorts of insights always lead to the same conundrum.  How do you let go of a maladaptive way of being without having replaced that behavior with something else that meets the need that the maladaptive behavior has previously met?  We hold onto these sorts of things because they do something important for us.  Not because we're lazy or because we think there's no better way to be.  But some of us are just "that" fucked up.

Anyway.  I feel spent.  Just so tired - and I just got out of bed.  Blah. 

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Twisting, turning, through the nether...

Steve Sickenberger is an asshole.  Like, way, way more than me.  He's a genuinely nasty, ugly, mean individual who actively seeks to injure me professionally, personally, and emotionally.  

He sucks.  

Also on this list, I think, are mmm, Michele Nguyen, Scott Stokes, Kevin Bierworth, and probably one or two others, but I'm not sure, so why say so?  Anyway... what really is most hurtful about the behavior these assholes deliver in my direction is that I've never done anything to any of them.  In fact, I avoid all of them as much as I possibly can.  Oh, yes, I've said something with a sharp tongue to them each at least once.  But that's sort of like yesterday's news in the kitchen, right?  Having a sharp tongue is just something that others (or at least I) should grow a thicker skin around.  Each of these individuals has said MANY things to me that are so far beyond anything I've ever said to any of them I just don't understand.  

They're haters, and I try really hard not to be.  What's so great about beating up on me?

And while I *really* hate this whining shit, I don't DARE access the part of me that makes me feel like I have POWER over these people.  Because that IS the ugly part of me, and that IS NOT the part of me I choose to be, whenever I still have control over that choice.  

I just don't get what people want from me.  Do they want me to blow up at them?  Be ugly toward them?  Do they want me to fail?  Do they want to just be terrible people?  Do they think this is good, or right?  Is it moral behavior?  Ethical?  Is it appropriate or professional?  Is there any justification for it whatsoever?  If not, then what the fuck?  


Just plain old what the fuck?


Why are SO MANY people just worthless pieces of shit?

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Don't ask me what I think.

Yesterday was a classical example of how fucked up people are, and why I have such a problem with authority. 

I started my day ready to have a good day washing dishes and mostly taking it easy in the kitchen.  Apparently, though, a bunch of people have been very frustrated lately (myself NOT included in a rather a-typical fashion) and evidently this frustration led the chef instructor to have the dean of our program come visit with us during our lecture hour yesterday morning.  Christ almighty.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Dream, bitches.

When did I stop thinking Apple was a fucking amazing/awesome company like I did when I was programming LOGO in 2nd grade, and start thinking Apple was just ... too greedy for me to be totally comfortable buying an iPod touch?  

I mean, in the end, it's a pretty clever thing to own.  And really really, I need some tunes in my ears in the mornings/afternoons.  I just need Gaga IN MY HEAD so yeah.  That's something I wanna try to accomplish somehow.  We DO have a g1 not in use around the house atm.  Maybe C would let me use it.  Would just have to buy a nice set of wifi headphones for it.  


Anyway, this question had me thinking about like... well, you know like the idea here is that if you make something cool that millions of people want (not TOO difficult in theory given the human population of Terra Madre) you can really make incredible amounts of money selling it.  I read today that sixty thousand android devices are shipping every day.  Every day.  I mean, if you had a cool THING to sell, even if it was 19.95, if you get a million people to be dumb enough to buy your dumpster-destined plastic, you can make enough to retire, if you wish.  Or more likely, you can use that money to make more plastic shit nobody really needs or even wants more than a week after they've owned it, and which will find IT'S way to the dumpster, transferring untold millions of hard-earned dollars into your wallet in the process.  


And then I wonder.  


Is this the best we can do with our collective resources?  Is this the best we can do as human beings?  Is this the best evolution of human consciousness we can acheive in 2010?  HELLO!  We've seen the first DECADE of the 21st century just basically BLOW by with nary a shift in public policy regarding, well, everything that is, thanks to the economies of scale, at this point carcinogenic ways of behaving.  


Look, all I'm saying is we all KNOW we're doing this, but we don't have the leadership we think we need to get ourselves out of this mess, but if we can populate the world like this, and mechanize the building of huge cities and roads and equipment and vehicles and consumer products...... 


then...


well, people, we are all suffering from a sad, pathetic, and horribly tragic lack of imagination.  One day enough of us will wake up that we'll realize we can basically transform our world through the redistribution of material wealth, economic revolution, and a whole new system of resource management.  We'll some day realize that we need to dream more, together, and dream big - way, way bigger than 64 inches of flat panel glory.  


Bigger even than IMAX, or Disney World, or Dubai.  Bigger, people, than Europe, Asia, Americas, Australia, and dwindling arctics.  We need to learn to dream, together. 


Elseways, I think we are lost.  We've already basically transformed ourselves into a society of individuals who believe the only way we can have anything is to kill each other.  Whether literally or figuratively, that is how we deal with our fears about meeting our needs and ensuring our safety and survival.  The real threats to this however, cannot be met in the way we are behaving.  


I do hope we learn something different.  Because I hate being here sometimes, thanks to the way ALL OF US behave.    What can I say?  Human beings are so far, some pretty pathetic creatures in my view.  We can do better, but only if we choose to do so, together.

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Human unity

Lux Aurumque 

In the words of Chuck Mangione, "It feels so good" to experience this video.

I find watching this to be healing in a way.  In our fractured, isolated, hyper-individualized world, this rearrangement of the splinters in a coalescence of harmonic beauty is a much needed image of unity.  The diversity of nationalities, skin colors, eye shapes, and self-expression (all factors by which we are socially programmed to fractionate our fellow human beings into "us" and "them") being brought together as one via those very same technologies that so often serve to divide us is truly a welcome twist.  I love how so many of the singers do not stand out as the "type" of person you might imagine would be caught on film singing in an acapella choir.  That makes me feel safer in the world.

Thanks to Carlos for pointing this one out to me.